Friday, February 11, 2011

It's mad libs time.... "Sometimes people are _(noun)_ holes. "

i hate you lemon cake
by kayepants on flickr

lets set the scene.

Imagine the morning of an exam and wanting to get in some last minute revision during your morning commute. You're tired and you look like shit but you're still being polite to other passengers and trying not to be in anyones way... this includes not taking up any residual spots next to yourself with bags or books but rather putting everything on the floor and notes and pen on lap. also important note: You're a girl.

sounds innocent enough right?

OK next enters passenger 400. A business casual dressed middle aged guy (maybe younger but he was an asshole so lets say 56 years old here, cause he looks worse than you and really anyone with this much of a superiority complex should be knocked down off his high horse, trampled and shat on.)

i mean...  yeah enters passenger 400 and sits next you. Not kindly (aka checking to see if they're going to sit on you, and therefore not sitting on you) but rudely ( .... opposite to the first option...)

He sighs alot and pushes you and then opens his legs wide as to claim his spot or to make sure you know hes a "man". ( you don't really understand this phenomenon. it happens with almost every guy even when there's no room and hes surrounded by others being squeezed into their spots.)

During this you're annoyed but you say to yourself to ignore it cause he probably doesn't realise what hes doing and how much off a jack ass hes being at that point. So you continue on with your revision. writing little notes and going through your papers. one second later you see the man start fidgeting and watching his pants strangely, and you see a tiny dot about a mm in size on his already dark pants.... uh oh... you assume you've marked his pants but cant remember doing it. You can practically feel him boiling over, his elbowing and "humphh!s" getting more annoying and angry at every stop.  Finally a stop before you have to go he sees 2 chairs empty right opposite to you as a final "fuck you " to you he pushes you almost out of the chair and goes to the empty spot taking over both chairs opening his legs up even bigger and staring you down.

also remember.... you're a girl.


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